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The scoop on poop and other bodily functions

Let's not beat around the bush: everybody poops. We all have green stuff that comes out of our noses and sometimes our bellies make funny noises. Here's a list of some of the funniest and, yes, even some educational books for kids on all the weird things our bodies do.

Toot, by Leslie Patricelli
What was that noise that came out of baby's backside? And the rest of the humans' bottoms? And out of the pets? Introduce flatulence to the youngest readers with Patricelli's cheerful, tootling baby as he experiences gas for the first time. TL;DR: farting is funny.

Gee Whiz! It's All About Peeby Susan E. Goodman
Not only does this book for older children discuss the ins and outs of the excretory system - What is pee? Where does it come from, why do we have it, and, yes, where does it go? - but it also features urination in nature, whizzing through time and space, and facts about pee. (There are thirty-five bathrooms in the White House!) The whole book is a, um, steady stream of information.

Walter the Farting Dogby William Kotzwinkle and Glenn Murray
The title says it all. Poor Walter is gripped with a steady attack of the farts, which the kids in the story don't mind. But the parents? That's a different story. After putting Walter on a diet of low-fart dog biscuits and having him visit fart expert Dr. I.M. Reading, there's no change in Walter's condition. But as with children's picture books, everything turns out all right in the end. Happily, this book is the first in the series about the smelly canine.

Poop Happened!: A History of the World from the Bottom Upby Sarah Albee
This book is, as it reads on the front cover, "the number one book on number two." Elementary-age kids will enjoy this toilet-tailored trip through history, learning about the facts of poop, from "The Reeking Renaissance" to "Sludge, American Style." Modern commodes have come a long way from Queen Elizabeth I's "closestools" in the sixteenth century. (The job of "Groom of the Stool" sounds like quite an honor, but, trust me, you don't want to be on that end of one of the royals.)

Why is Snot Green?by Glenn Murphy
Have you ever had burning questions about why our bodies do those weird things they do?  Why is snot green? What are scabs for? Murphy answers these questions and more (his second book is called How Loud Can You Burp?in a funny, conversational, easy-to-read style. If you've ever wondered about brain freeze, diarrhea, and if you can sneeze and fart at the same time, this book is for you. And yes, there are sections about the larger science world in here, too, but: snot!

The Adventures of Captain Underpantsby Dav Pilkey
Don't pretend you don't know about Captain Underpants. He's been around for 20 years. This easy series, perfect for readers just starting chapter books, is the ultimate in gross-out humor. Wedgies, diapers, and rubber dog poop for all. And the humor gets even better (worse?) in the rest of the series. In the tenth book, sheet music and lyrics are included for the song "I'm Smarter Than You," by Albert Einstein, with lyrics that include "I'm smarter than yooo-oou! / Poopy, poopy, doo-doo!" Go ahead and laugh; you know that the seven-year-old inside you is.

Fartisteby Kathleen Krull and Paul Brewer
Based mostly on a true story, this fabulous form of entertainment came out of Joseph Pujol (1857 - 1945), who styled himself Le Petomane and drew giant crowds in Paris, performing for royalty and keeping his audiences in stitches for years. What a gas! Krull's and Brewer's rhyming text and Boris Kulikov's illustrations bring Pujol (whose stage name means either "Fartomaniac" or "Fartiste") to life. Pay attention, kids: you, too, can make a successful career out of flatulence.